Maladaptive Daydreaming

Author
Helena
Type
Full range 60
Created
11/07/2019 02:14
BPM
110
Length
970

For several years I've suffered from MDD (Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder) although I didn't know there was an actual name for it until about a year ago.

I've never really opened up about this, since it's something I'm very embarrassed and self-conscious about, and it can be very difficult to talk about it since alot of people likes to think they know exactly what I'm talking about. Just saying things like: "everyone daydreams" or "it's normal" or "yeah, When I was a kid I used to daydream too"
I often lose my perception of time cause of my constant daydreaming. This is a genuine addiction, but what's worse is the fact that it's ALWAYS available. I forget to eat, I can't sleep, and it both mentally and physically breaks me down if I try to escape.
The point is... I kinda want to thank this site for existing. Sounds dumb, but since I don't have that many friends (social phobia, my man) this site is pretty much the only place where I don't feel the need to daydream. I seriously have no idea where I would've been if I didn't find this place..
So.. If anyone stubles upon this melody and wants to know more about.. my MDD-situation, I guess..? Then feel free to ask me about it. I feel like I can be open about it here.

<3


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Helena on July 11, 2019, 2:16 a.m.

Thank you MusicboxManiacs, Robobermann, erin, Kaleidiope and KagamineLen. May the force be with you..

Kaleidiope on July 11, 2019, 3:25 a.m.

Beautiful melody. And no, it doesn't sound dumb. I've been having the best year of my life thanks to this site and the people I've met.
And if you don't mind, I would like to know more about it, yes. Like how you said once, it's nice learning directly from your point-of-view!

erin on July 11, 2019, 4:35 a.m.

I'm really glad you feel like this is a place you can open up! I've always had a soft spot for this site and you guys too. I've actually never heard of MDD, so I'm a bit curious too if you don't mind sharing more about what it's like. This tune is lovely, by the way!

ROBObermann on July 11, 2019, 8:30 a.m.

I feel feel the same way about Music Box Maniacs. I kinda feel "on guard" about talking to new people in real life (even if I really want to say hi), so this is the one place I can share any random thought and feel like no one will judge me for it. I would love to hear anything are willing to share to share about your experience, for example, is there anything that can trigger a daydream, or is it kind of random?

Helena on July 12, 2019, 5:19 a.m.

Thank-you guys, seriously. It means so much more than you know. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees this site as a safe space as well.
You're flippin' great y'know..

Helena on July 12, 2019, 5:25 a.m.

Robobermann
Well, the daydreaming can easily be triggered by pretty much anything, but since I daydream nearly constantly, I don't really "need" anything for it to start, so to speak.
I 𝙘𝙖𝙣 say though, that some of the worst daydreams I've ever had, has been those triggered by an event, situation or even an emotion. Those dreams are nearly impossible to break away from, cause it causes me physical pain to do so.

Kaleidiope on July 14, 2019, 12:11 a.m.

If you don't mind me asking, does it happen when you're, say, Watching a movie, listening to music, reading a book? Is it more likely to happen if you're bored? Or will it happen even if you're interested in said thing?

Helena on July 14, 2019, 1:21 a.m.

It does, but I often get different "types" of daydreams depending on what I'm doing.
For example, if I'm watching a TV show where a group of people are having a conversation, I can suddenly feel like I'm sitting there with them and it's my turn to talk.
If one of them asks someone something I often feel like the question is directed at me.. and so naturally.. I answer it. Then I'm just sitting there, having this imaginary conversation without really realizing it.
It's much worse when I'm watching a video though, cause then I can actually pause it. I get lost in this conversation or train of thought with nothing to really grab my attention and break it.
What's even worse than that is that one tiny little thing happening in my ongoing daydream often triggers another daydream to start. This can go on for literal hours.

Funny how you mention music actually. If I make my daydream very deliberate when listening to a song, that usually saves this daydream in my memory. Meaning that the next time I listen to this specific song I will have the same daydream again. Kind of like a music video.
Not that sure if the same thing goes for other people with MDD but it happens to me at least. :P

Helena on July 14, 2019, 4:51 a.m.

So yeah, it does happen even if I'm interested in something, but then the dream often revolves around that specific thing. If I'm bored I feel an immense urge to daydream, and even if I'm talking with someone, I will try my best to end the conversation so that I can be alone in my thoughts. This was my coping mechanism at first, for dealing with self-hatred and anxiety, but now it's an addiction.

Kaleidiope on July 14, 2019, 5:30 a.m.

Do you find yourself stopping or wanting to stop what you're doing to daydream? Like, do you find yourself wanting to be in a daydream more than real life?
Also, thank-you for answering!

Helena on July 14, 2019, 6:23 a.m.

Absolutely.
My "casual" daydreams (aka, the constant ones) are centered around what I want to do in the future.
For example: I know that the only way that I'll ever get to feel like I matter is if I try to help people with similar mental health issues by openly relating and talking to them about my own experience. This includes, funnily enough, talking about my MDD.
So that's often what I'll daydream about.
I know that some might think that people with MDD have illogical dreams about unicorns, a room full of imaginary friends and impossible scenarios, but it doesn't have to be like that. And in a lot of cases it's just about real-life life goals and self-improvement.
Just wanted to clear that up real quick. :P

And I'm happy to answer! It means a lot that people care! Thank-you :)

Kaleidiope on July 15, 2019, 1:21 a.m.

I'm glad you mention that, If I daydream I tend to think about future plans. I always thought I was just being weird.
So, Have you always had MDD? Or was more developed from the anxiety?

Helena on July 15, 2019, 6:27 a.m.

It's a bit of a jumble actually cause I've, pretty much, always done this. My daydreams used to be very deliberate back in the day, so I don't really know when it started to become an addiction.
I often had somewhat rational reasons to why I used to daydream when I was younger. For example:

When I was a teen I wanted to become an actor/actress, so I would often play out a scene in my head as a way to "practice" my acting.
I've always loved writing, so I used to create a lot of characters, and whenever I had a writer's block I would "picture" them in different situations so that I could extend their arc or give them more personality.
A little bit of a weird one, but I used to have an irrational fear of a very bizarre, crudely animated skeleton with cartoon eyes from a swedish TV-show. So I willingly decided to create an imaginary friend who was a skeleton, so that I wouldn't be afraid anymore. (it kinda worked actually)

..but then again, it took a couple of years before I was diagnosed with ADHD/Aspergers syndrome, so the fact that I couldn't concentrate on anything in school, or on anything in general, was probably a big reason for the daydreams as well.

But yeah, I do think that the anxiety and social phobia was the biggest reasons to why it all started.
For several years I had little to no friends to hang out with and I truly couldn't stop hating myself. I believe that the possible "scenarios" that I played out in my head, was most of what kept me going in life.
I needed this mental support every single day and, eventually, it evolved into this constant coping mechanism that I found myself having no control over.
I only truly understood that I had a serious problem when I tried to abstain from daydreaming but realized that I both physically and mentally couldn't.

Helena on July 15, 2019, 6:35 a.m.

Also, as long as it doesn't become an obsession, I'd say daydreaming is pretty normal. It can even be a good thing to do once in a while if you need to clear your head.
Then again.. I miiiight not be the greatest example.. but still XD

Welp... I only now realize that my other answer turned into a frickin' novel.
Sorry 'bout that. :P

erin on July 15, 2019, 6:41 a.m.

Wow, thank you for sharing your perspective! I'm not great at visualizing anything in my mind's eye, so it's interesting to hear the other side so to speak.

ROBObermann on July 15, 2019, 7:03 a.m.

This has gotten really interesting! I have another question if you don't mind. If I knew someone with MDD and I think they are having a daydream, what should I do?

Kaleidiope on July 16, 2019, 4:29 a.m.

Nah, I agree. Daydreaming can be a good thing. I don't mind long answers, I don't really know why, but I've enjoyed this. Thank-you for answering!

Helena on July 18, 2019, 1:50 a.m.

Robobermann
That's a good question actually. I believe that it differs from person to person. Since it's so uncommon and unheard of, there's probably a huge amount of people who doesn't know that they suffer from MDD and are most likely ashamed and self conscious about their daydreaming.
I mean, I went through several years without knowing that there was a name for my problem, and when I did, I found it by accident.

I've never met anyone else with it, so I can't really say for sure.

Since a lot of the people who suffers from MDD wants to be alone when they daydream, cause it's normal to talk to yourself or mouth your words when experiencing a daydream, they might not even know that you're there.
I'd say, if you walk in on someone doing this, make sure that you don't call attention to it.
Pretend like you JUST entered the room and try to strike up a friendly conversation about something completely different/topical.
There's a big chance that those who suffers from it are/have been very alone for a long duration of time, so maybe try to hang out with them if you can? If they're nice?

Just remember not to push the person if it seems like they want to be alone. It can literally break them.
If you manage to become buddies, or if you simply get to know one another a little bit better, it would probably be good if you were to mention MDD in a passing conversation.
Don't make obvious assumptions or tell them about MDD in a way that would indicate that they suffer from it, and do not ask them if they're familiar with it.

An interest should come naturally if you feel a connection to it, right?

Again, this is my own opinion so I can't guarantee anything.

Helena on July 18, 2019, 1:50 a.m.

I've never really been able to talk about this so freely. It really means alot that you take your time to hear me out. Thank you guys so much.

ROBObermann on July 18, 2019, 2:51 p.m.

Thank you for being so open about this topic. I feel like I have learned a lot from this conversation! I have been learning how common mental health issues are in the people I know recently, so your advice helps a lot :)

Helena on July 18, 2019, 9:08 p.m.

I'm happy to help in some way if possible. :)
The response that I've gotten from everyone here is unbelievable.

Whenever I talk about my problems with some of my family members they instantaneously feel a need to give me advice (which is very amiable and nice of them, don't get me wrong) but since I need professional help, they don't seem to realize that there's nothing they can do but to listen, ask or compare.

I'm not used to getting such specific questions, as well as such chill support when talking about this.
The fact that you all go straight to the point without saying things to make me feel better, means so much to me.
I never thought that this involvement would spark, and your casual and laid back response has helped me in a way I didn't know was possible.
I'm so grateful to have you guys by my side. ❤

ROBObermann on July 18, 2019, 10:47 p.m.

Kaleidiope on July 19, 2019, 3:54 a.m.

This is such a heart warming comment section!
。゚・(> w <)・゚。

erin on July 20, 2019, 11:57 a.m.

Thanks for letting us learn a bit! I'm glad we could provide something good for ya. D

KagamineLen on Aug. 28, 2019, 4:59 a.m.

:)```

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