OCD

Author
Helena
Type
Full range 60
Created
09/11/2019 19:50
BPM
125
Length
265

Woah.. This is about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.. who could'a thunk it?

Ah yes, yet another one of my disorders. You could almost define me by them at this point.
Anyways.. this is the chorus of a half-written song I've made and played on my guitar a couple of years ago. I've realized that a lot of my melodies are ones I've made in the past, and there's even lyrics to some of them.

"A Better Path", "Gift" and "Living Dream" are some of the ones I've played on guitar. "Someone Trustworthy", "Outside", "On a stroll", "Ferocious" and "Scribble" are some of the ones I've sung/hummed.
..aaand "Waltz by the Birch" and "Creator" are the ones I've played on piano.
I'm pretty sure I've missed some but who cares.

..I'm curious now..
How many of you does this as well? "Music-box-ify" melodies you've made in the past, that is?

(Also.. yeah I know.. "music-box-ify" isn't a word.. but I'm still sticking to it, goddamnit..)


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Kaleidiope on Nov. 9, 2019, 8:03 p.m.

Hey, I care! XD This sounds really pretty, though!
And I feel that this is probably obvious? But I've only started working with music in the beginning of this year, so all my melodies are music-box-ify-ed. Because I make them here, first.

Helena on Nov. 9, 2019, 8:13 p.m.

Thank you! XD
You've been doing this for less than ONE year?? What the heck??
But.. you're so great at it already!!
Holy shit

Kaleidiope on Nov. 9, 2019, 8:40 p.m.

That means so much! Thank-you! X3
I joined on the 21st of January, that's when my journey started! I was lucky enough to have you guys to support me! A love for Vocaloids, and you guys are to thank for it!
Also, if you don't mind. May I ask what kind of OCD it is? If i'm remembering correctly, there's different kinds?

ROBObermann on Nov. 9, 2019, 9:55 p.m.

I started making my original melodies here too so I'm kinda in the same boat as Kaliediope.

Helena on Nov. 11, 2019, 7:33 p.m.

Kaleidiope
I guess that there's technically different kinds of OCD depending on how bad it is.
OCD is basically about obsessively doing routines due to anxiety and irrational thoughts.
I've gone to psychologists for several years now, so I have gotten a lot of help.

My OCD is the most visible when I'm about to go to sleep, since it REALLY starts up when the medicine stops working. I then need to do one of my routines:
Use the bathroom/brush my teeth.
Wash my hands, wash my hands, wash my hands, wash my hands, wash my hands etc..
Go to the living room, often three times, to pet the dog an uneven amount of times.
I need to call out "good night" to everyone to make sure nothing bad will happen to them.
Sometimes I need them to answer me, so that I can go to bed knowing that they're not dead.

Since taking antidepressants has made my OCD very mild I can go over some of the stuff that happens on occasional days or when I'm off my meds.

So.. my OCD is very direction-based.
Say, if I were to touch a door handle or put something down, the irrational thoughts kicks in and I need to know exactly where my family is, because they're the ones most important to me.
I then need to make the object I'm putting down face them or slide my hand over the door handle, towards them, until it feels like they're safe. I need to do this an uneven amount of times as well.
If I'm in a room with a bunch of people, I find myself looking at them one-by-one in the order of from who matters the most to me, to who matters the least to me, and then the other way around. As I'm doing this I also need to swallow/blink.
If I'm in a room where I care for everyone equally.. I find myself doing this but in pretty much every order.
I used to pause videos an insane amount of times just so that I could rewind 5-10 seconds to make it feel "right". Watching a seven minute video could take me about 30 minutes.
...one of the dumbest things my OCD has made me do is forcing me to touch a burning hot stove top. XD
That's only some stuff of the top of my head though.

The biggest problem is the mysophobia though, aka my fear of germs.
When I get home from school I need to sanitize my phone/glasses as well as wash my hands/face.
I need to wear gloves when I go outside/wash my hands after touching door handles.
I can barely make food for anyone else but me, let alone just hold a piece of bread that someone else is going to eat, because I'm afraid that I'll somehow poison them.
But yeah, I wash my hands an obscene amount of times every day.

(Not sure if that was the answer you were looking for, sorry.. XD)

Helena on Nov. 11, 2019, 7:34 p.m.

(Holy shit, another novel)

Helena on Nov. 11, 2019, 7:41 p.m.

ROBObermann/Kaleidiope
What the-
How the heck were you guys so frickin' talented from the get-go??
I don't understand! XD

Kaleidiope on Nov. 11, 2019, 11:51 p.m.

Thank-you for answering, I always feel a bit weird asking about these things. XD
I just genuinely enjoy learning about things like this, I know that's probably strange. But I do. And I remembered that there was different kinds, like Pure-O. Which is when you just have thoughts about things instead of doing things. Along with different severity. So yeah! It did answer my question! Thank-you!
(Also, a hand on a hot stove sounds really painful! Hope it wasn't too bad!) XD

Helena on Nov. 12, 2019, 12:45 a.m.

Wanting to learn about things like this isn't strange in my opinion, but I guess I'm the same way. XD
And I agree! Whenever I ask others about their disorders, or problems in general, I'm worried if it's a breach of privacy.
I have little to no problem talking about my own disorders, so my only concern is if I'm coming on too strong (aka: writing down my entire life experience as a reply to a yes-or-no question).

Also, I can seriously not believe I've never heard of Pure-O before! I just read some stuff about it and it sounds absolutely dreadful to live with. Literally none of my psychologists has ever gone over it with me after all these years. Thank you so much for making me aware of it!

(Yeah, it was pretty painful...........................................................I cried) XD

Kaleidiope on Nov. 13, 2019, 12:06 a.m.

Good to know i'm not the only one who likes to learn about these things!
So you don't have to worry about writing too much with me! XD
That is kind of strange that it wasn't mentioned before, but if I remember correctly, Pure-O still isn't something taken very seriously? I could be wrong though?
(And I can imagine! My hand hurts thinking about that!) XD

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