Twisted daymare

Grand Illusions 30
26/10/2019 08:25

The spook season! It's already so far gone! Only six more days before the one-big-spook, then it'll all be forgotten! XD

And why am I upset about this!? I was never one for Halloween...

I had four pieces of candy earlier and wound up feeling sick.
Carving pumpkins feels terrible. I wore rubber gloves for it.
I can't wear any make-up type things, no fake blood or anything of the sort.
I've always been like this.
All in all, though. With, or without fake blood, I still like dressing-up every year. Why? Because people love it! Especially older people! They look so happy to see someone in costume! And I don't know why! They'll ask to take pictures, and all sorts of things, even if they don't know who you're trying to be. (Which is every year.)

Tried to make a spooky sounding melody. How'd I do? Trying to redeem myself with another attempt at a circus-y/carnival type sounding melody.
The problem with starting with a theme for me, is it always starts sounding nothing like what I wanted, but it doesn't sound bad enough for me to scarp it and start again. So it just becomes what it is?

I hope everyone's having a great day!
...Or should I say, a spooky day?

Hole punch paper strips Export

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Comments Unsubscribe

Grey on Oct. 26, 2019, 8:54 a.m.

I love carnival music! Good job :D

Also, does some of your reasons tie in to the dermographism?

Kaleidiope on Oct. 27, 2019, 12:07 a.m.

Thank-you! ^-^
I'm going to try to not spin off into too much randomness. But because I have a few different issues that I've been trying to understand for about five to six years now. I sometimes forget that a lot of this isn't, just, implied? So, when I first went to a doctor for my skin issue, I scratched part of my arm to show them. they didn't even look. Or care. So, i'm not clinically diagnosed with dermographism. I've been to this other person whose been trying to help one of my other problems, and they seen I had a mark on my arm. They asked about it, I showed them. They were the one to tell me it looked like a presser issues. After that, I started looking things up, and dermographism was mainly, the one, and only thing that came up, on the internet, in books, and so on. Everyone agreed that it sounded just like my skin. And that it was really the only explanation. Since it is a presser issue, I can't tell if the make-up thing is because I have to touch my skin to put it on, or if it's a problem with the make-up itself? And since skin is an organ, I can imagine that it would do the same with my stomach? But, since I've yet to be told why I have this issue. I sadly can't say. I've narrowed it down to four possible reasons, and one of those reasons would explain why I don't like the feeling of pumpkins. But even then. Doctors don't really seem to care? I don't know. (That probably just made it more confusing! XD I'm sorry!)

Grey on Oct. 27, 2019, 4:58 a.m.

Confusing or not, thank you so much for replying.
I found out about my Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder through the internet, and because doctors hasn't gotten to the point where they actually CAN diagnose anyone with it, I will probably remain self-diagnosed for a very long time.

I'm really glad you found a name for your condition though. I've had to google a lot of problems regarding (mostly) my mental health and identity, and finding a label for your "faults", to why you're so different, can really take the edge off quite a bit. Being able to finally understand what the heck is wrong with you, is one of the most comforting experiences that I know of.

Anyway, your doctors deserve to get fired.
Finding mental disorders is one thing cause they can be harder to detect, but when a doctor, whose main intent is to help you, don't even bat an eye when being shown very clear physical symptoms..?

Not gonna lie.. someone who's THAT ignorant should really be searching for their teeth in the trash by now.

I know it's not the same situation and I don't want to go in to too much detail, but I grew up with an older brother suffering from ADHD and Asperger's syndrome. (I suffer from the same shit but mine's much milder)
Anyway, he made sure to make most of my childhood in to a living hell by isolating me from my other brother and bullying me and my siblings as soon as he got the chance to.
My parents desperately tried to get help and it was obvious that there was something very wrong with him cause this wasn't your usual sibling rivalry, this was constant bullying.
Everyone who were meant to help us ignored the entire situation. If anything, they saw him as a normal-ass problem child and thought that the bullying would pass if we gave it some time.
I think I was around eleven, maybe twelve years old when he finally got diagnosed. The doctors gave him the diagnosis pretty much instantaneously and my brother had to be heavily medicated.
So yeah..
If we weren't ignored in the first place, if the doctors took one single look at my brother's behaviour, then maybe me and siblings could've had a normal childhood.

Sorry if I ramble too much. Ranting might be a habit of mine.. XD

Anyway. If you don't mind me asking..
Do you have anyone who you can talk to specifically about the dermographism?
Or are you still looking for help on that part?

Grey on Oct. 27, 2019, 5:02 a.m.

I really need to check the actual amount I write before posting it. Sorry 'bout the novel XD

Kaleidiope on Oct. 27, 2019, 6:09 a.m.

No, no! I don't mind, really! I quite enjoy being able to talk to people about things like this. Even if it's not the same issues, I still find all this really helpful!
I feel silly sometimes saying that my dermographism is just a self diagnoses. So I find it kind of comforting. I agree, though. It's nice finally finding a reason of why you're like this.

One example, I've always hated going to the eye doctor. Only to go to a different one a few years back, and be told my pupils are twice the size they're supposed to be. The other one never said anything about it. So now I know why my eyes hate light so much.

Sadly, (Or luckily?) The doctor I had did say something about it. "Try taking colder showers."
And when I told them it's all the time, "Well, the redness from the heat can last a long time afterwards." So....Yeah...
And it's kind of funny? That you said they should be searching for their teeth in the trash! XD Because I made a doctor do that once!

(I'm just going to tell you everything. If you don't mind.) I popped my jaw out of socket, years back. I couldn't close my mouth, and I was having a "wibbly" sound in my ears.

Was told it was TMJ, was given some pills, and sent on my way. Now, I don't know why, but I can't swallow pills, I just can't. And yet, the doctor knew this. So we crushed them and put them in water. But, they were for pain. I didn't have pain. I couldn't close my mouth. So, once that failed. I was taken to Physical therapy. Where they pressed around in my mouth, and made me pull on rubber bands. To "strengthen" my jaw? How my arms would make my jaw stronger I don't know.

Went there for about six months because they thought it would make the sounds go away. It didn't.

So when I was 13, they told me maybe it was my wisdom teeth. Thought I was too young, and waited till I was 15. when I got them cut out. I requested to keep them. But they threw them away. (They got them back out of the trash, though.)
(I went to a chiropractor and they got my jaw back in. The person who told me it looked like a pressure issue is a craniosacral therapist, in the same office. They've been trying to get the sounds to stop.)

I'm glad that you brother got the help he needed! Late is better than never. But, honestly, It's not as different as it may seem. I've only found out as much as I have due to reading about ADHD and Autism.
Dermographism is a common symptom of SPD. Which is something that can be in both.

But, yeah. I Truly don't mind! I don't have anyone to talk about this stuff with, and I tend to feel weird bringing it up with people. It helps me get things in order, and feel less weird about it. So, really, thank-you!

conesent on Oct. 28, 2019, 6:55 a.m.


conesent on Oct. 28, 2019, 6:55 a.m.


conesent on Oct. 28, 2019, 11 p.m.

(explodes with knowledge and sadness over your struggles)

Kaleidiope on Oct. 29, 2019, 12:07 a.m.

Kagamine Len! No! XD
Don't explode! Anything but that!

conesent on Oct. 29, 2019, 11:17 p.m.

(explodes into a shockwave of happiness, love, and good luck going forward)

conesent on Oct. 29, 2019, 11:18 p.m.

(somehow survives)

Kaleidiope on Oct. 30, 2019, 2:51 a.m.

(Oh my Goodness!) XD
Yayy! You're still Alive! :D

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